The above is a tapestry by Lucas Cranach the ElderEve's Lament For Eden
It's not the perfumed flowers that I miss,juice-heavy fruits to pluck from every tree.
No, I miss Wolf, his head upon my knee
and brush of wings as Sparrow pecked a kiss.
Remember Lion beside us, purring bliss?
Hyena on her back, paws waving free?
The friendly bleats and growls surrounded me.
For one forbidden sweet I lost all this.
Even the sneaky snake would deign to speak.
He lied, but then he didn't cut us dead
- a metaphor - not as the beasts now do
in bloody fact. Hoof-slash and rending beak
they rip each other's flesh; their fangs drip red.
I sinned; but, God, must they be banished too?
Phyllis Sterling Smith (Granny Smith)
32 comments:
Oh Phyllis, I really, really like this!
wow thats great. and I like bobbing for apples and apple cider!
Absolutely delightful!I really enjoyed it.
A little fiesty at the end but that is the way it is.
There is more of the story but it a long satire, you'll need 5 minutes.
http://lelablonde.wordpress.com/satire-of-a-modern-cicisbeo/
I loved every juicy, ripe bit of language in this poem. Gorgeous!
JP/deb
Aw to sacrifice everything for one small sweet forbidden fruit.
Thank you.
b
each time I visit you I am so pleasantly greeted by one gem after another. :)
Thanks for reminding us that sin affects all around us even the innocent. Really enjoyed a fresh view of Eden.
Another voice from Eve, and I enjoyed how your poem shows her melancholy as well as the vividly visceral lament at the end, such a twist from romanticism to realism! Somehow I wrote of Eve also; I hope you'll come to visit.
oh really nice answer to the prompt. made me think about our origin :-)
This is great Granny!
An excellent poem - and such an important message at the end, too.
beautifully written....our original sin roots....what would have come of us if this had not happened? hmmm........
Gorgeous poem with so much unfinished melancholy in those images. Thanks for sharing your deep & loving side, Phyllis.
p.s. you've been tagged -- and ONLY if you want to play along.
I really liked this!
This is a lovely poem, filled with great imagery and what ifs. Loved it. BJ
I like your rhyme scheme here. The first two of ABBA and the last changing to ABCABC. It reflects the message really well!
I loved how you got both the yearning for innocence, and melancholy realization of the weight your decision carried for others beyond yourself. Gorgeous language, and beautiful images!
Your words give a traditional story "a fresh new, ultra modern coat of paint"!
Simply beautiful and refreshing!
Just fabulous. I especially love this image: "No, I miss Wolf, his head upon my knee
and brush of wings as Sparrow pecked a kiss."
Smallworldreads.blogspot.com
We have to remember; there are consequences to everything.
you know what I would love to see a debate on your question..
should the bad be banished ...
nice take on the prompt
Excellent point!
I love the beginning of this. We rarely talk about regrets when we talk about Adam and Eve. Yet how can they be human and not have regrets about what was left behind?
Granny, this is purely wonderful. Soul searching, beseeching, brilliant.
wonderfully brilliant! makes me think again about actions that my choices really do have an impact on everyone around me....
So the original sin was not sin against ourselves, but against those we care about most? Interesting. I like it! I look forward to hearing what you've got to say about my piece.
I like the rhymes, they tell your story well. Who was it that said 'You can't have your apple and eat it?' No pun intended, Granny Smith!
Very well said, actually quite beautifully said. I enjoyed it.
A delightful and thoughtful post! Truly enjoyable!
the line...'not as the beasts now do in bloody fact' really made me to think. I loved the last stanza completely.
Very clever and very well written
I like this!
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