Friday, October 3, 2008

Penalty

The above is a tapestry by Lucas Cranach the Elder

The Sunday Scribblings prompt is forbidden.

Eve's Lament For Eden

It's not the perfumed flowers that I miss,
juice-heavy fruits
to pluck from every tree.
No, I miss Wolf, his head upon my knee
and brush of wings as Sparrow pecked a kiss.

Remember Lion beside us, purring bliss?
Hyena on her back, paws waving free?
The friendly bleats and growls surrounded me.
For one forbidden sweet I lost all this.

Even the sneaky snake would deign to speak.
He lied, but then he didn't cut us dead
- a metaphor - not as the beasts now do
in bloody fact. Hoof-slash and rending beak
they rip each other's flesh; their fangs drip red.
I sinned; but, God, must they be banished too?

Phyllis Sterling Smith
(Granny Smith)

32 comments:

Marianne said...

Oh Phyllis, I really, really like this!

Strawberry Swirl said...

wow thats great. and I like bobbing for apples and apple cider!

keith hillman said...

Absolutely delightful!I really enjoyed it.

Lela Blonde said...

A little fiesty at the end but that is the way it is.

There is more of the story but it a long satire, you'll need 5 minutes.
http://lelablonde.wordpress.com/satire-of-a-modern-cicisbeo/

JP/deb said...

I loved every juicy, ripe bit of language in this poem. Gorgeous!

JP/deb

b said...

Aw to sacrifice everything for one small sweet forbidden fruit.

Thank you.

b

Lucy said...

each time I visit you I am so pleasantly greeted by one gem after another. :)

Random Train Of Thought said...

Thanks for reminding us that sin affects all around us even the innocent. Really enjoyed a fresh view of Eden.

Beth said...

Another voice from Eve, and I enjoyed how your poem shows her melancholy as well as the vividly visceral lament at the end, such a twist from romanticism to realism! Somehow I wrote of Eve also; I hope you'll come to visit.

totomai said...

oh really nice answer to the prompt. made me think about our origin :-)

Kamsin said...

This is great Granny!

anthonynorth said...

An excellent poem - and such an important message at the end, too.

Awareness said...

beautifully written....our original sin roots....what would have come of us if this had not happened? hmmm........

nonizamboni said...

Gorgeous poem with so much unfinished melancholy in those images. Thanks for sharing your deep & loving side, Phyllis.
p.s. you've been tagged -- and ONLY if you want to play along.

Robin said...

I really liked this!

B. Roan said...

This is a lovely poem, filled with great imagery and what ifs. Loved it. BJ

Linda Jacobs said...

I like your rhyme scheme here. The first two of ABBA and the last changing to ABCABC. It reflects the message really well!

anno said...

I loved how you got both the yearning for innocence, and melancholy realization of the weight your decision carried for others beyond yourself. Gorgeous language, and beautiful images!

Greyscale Territory said...

Your words give a traditional story "a fresh new, ultra modern coat of paint"!

Simply beautiful and refreshing!

SmallWorld at Home said...

Just fabulous. I especially love this image: "No, I miss Wolf, his head upon my knee
and brush of wings as Sparrow pecked a kiss."
Smallworldreads.blogspot.com

Stan Ski said...

We have to remember; there are consequences to everything.

Rambler said...

you know what I would love to see a debate on your question..
should the bad be banished ...

nice take on the prompt

Susan Helene Gottfried said...

Excellent point!

I love the beginning of this. We rarely talk about regrets when we talk about Adam and Eve. Yet how can they be human and not have regrets about what was left behind?

Patois said...

Granny, this is purely wonderful. Soul searching, beseeching, brilliant.

Jennifer Hicks said...

wonderfully brilliant! makes me think again about actions that my choices really do have an impact on everyone around me....

Emily Ezpeleta said...

So the original sin was not sin against ourselves, but against those we care about most? Interesting. I like it! I look forward to hearing what you've got to say about my piece.

SweetTalkingGuy said...

I like the rhymes, they tell your story well. Who was it that said 'You can't have your apple and eat it?' No pun intended, Granny Smith!

~TAMY 3 Sides of Crazy~ said...

Very well said, actually quite beautifully said. I enjoyed it.

tumblewords said...

A delightful and thoughtful post! Truly enjoyable!

Neilina said...

the line...'not as the beasts now do in bloody fact' really made me to think. I loved the last stanza completely.

Odie said...

Very clever and very well written

Rachael Levy said...

I like this!