Sunday, March 20, 2011

Personal Freedom is Vastly Over-rated.


I don’t mean the kind of political freedom that brave men and women are dying for right now, democracy (if such a thing exists), but freedom of choice on a much smaller scale.

I have much more personal freedom now that I no longer have the love of my life beside me,

I am free to live anywhere I choose to. I chose to move to Washington State to be near one of my sons and his dear wife, rather than being tied to Berkeley where Otto had been a professor for the greater part of our lives.

The Entrance to My New Home

I can decorate my new small home in whatever manner I choose. And I have done so, employing more green paint than most households use in a lifetime. I’ve filled it with dragons from many parts of the world, sculpted, cast, or otherwise crafted, and have done away with any clutter that is not self-generated. Gone are the plethora of electrical parts for Otto’s inventions, the piles of scientific papers being written or critiqued, the stacks of technical journals and books, the scattered tools for modeling new improvements of his patents or for making our big house more livable and beautiful. I love making home improvements but must leave it to others, volunteer or professional, since my talents and physical abilities preclude my doing it myself. But I have enough money to be free to have it done.

A Few of My Dragons


I now have the freedom to spend the inheritance that Otto left me on my personal choices, free of the constraints that are imposed by a partnership that tries to meet the needs of two people. Due to that same inheritance, I am free of most of the economic worries of the majority of people.

And you know what? I would gladly trade that kind of freedom for one more moment with Otto beside me.


And, now that I have written this response to the Sunday Scribblings prompt of Free, I find that I am not free of tears.

For more responses to the Sunday Scribblings prompt, click here or on the banner at the top of this post.

23 comments:

Wendy said...

I love your posts.It's rare to be offered a rational, articulate discussion of freedoms...and then be punched in the gut by the emotional: freedoms often come at a price. To come into independence is bittersweet, as the independence wasn't your choice. Yet I never doubt your strength...

Rinkly Rimes said...

What a wonderful response to personal tragedy. You're able to 'count your blessings' all the while knowing that you're not truly blesed without Otto. (I use the word 'bless' as an agnostic but you'll know what I mean.)

Cynthia M said...

What a beautiful, honest tribute to someone you love....I applaud you for making all of those amazing changes to your beautiful home and for sharing it with us, thankyou.

WarmSunshine said...

That moved me to tears... What a beautiful tribute to a husband... a husband who is so much more... so much more than anything else in the world... I find your blog great!

Dropping by from SS. Glad I made it here!

Templeton's fury said...

just beautiful! i'm so glad i stopped by your page...

linda may said...

Aw sweetie. I wish I could reach across and give you a big cuddle.

Marianne said...

Sweet Phyllis, I will echo what Wendy wrote, she expressed my feelings perfectly.
Big gentle hugs Granny :^) xox

sandra said...

that is sweet!

Kim Nelson said...

An ode to both living in the moment and a life-long love. Precious. Here is my FREE piece:
http://www.kimnelsonwrites.com/2011/01/31/you-me-and-fibonacci/

Old Altonian said...

What a wonderful tribute to your late husband, he was a very lucky man.

Winifred said...

Lovely post, I always enjoy your writing. Glad you are enjoying your new home but it's sad that it hasn't got Otto in it.

Yes we should be careful what we wish for shouldn't we. I'm not the tidiest of people but my husband's papers and stuff clutter the kitchen benches. I don't worry too much, as my Mam used to tell us the house will be there when we are not.

Take care!

oldegg said...

I too am now suffering that hurt of freedom. I have had to move furniture around at home so that I am not continually looking for my wife in familiar places.

I agree with every one of your sentiments.

Lisa said...

What an amazing post! You brought tears to my eyes as well knowing how true it must be to be willing to give it all up for just "one more day" with Otto.

Love your writing.

Mad Kane said...

That was beautiful and so touching! Thanks!
Mad Kane

Lilibeth said...

As always, you pour your heart out on the page and stir our hearts as well. I can tell how much you love the freedom to create and express your artistic nature and I can tell how much you love Otto.(I would say loved...but I think your love is still the same as ever it was)

Tanya Gwen Minnick said...

I enjoyed your post..and your new home is quite quaint with colourful flowers. Great take on the prompt.
thanks for sharing.
t

Maggie May said...

Your house is absolutely lovely and you have certainly put your stamp on it with your own personality. Love it.

Although life might be lonely at times, now.... I think you are very wise to look for compensations.
Maggie X

Nuts in May

Tracey said...

your writings are always beautiful. you've shown that freedom is 'freeing', but it's nothing without the one you love. thank you for this :-)

Mad Kane said...

I've already commented on this wonderful post. But I wanted to stop by again and congratulate you. You've scored again, this time with an Honorable Mention in my second Limerick of the Week contest. Congratulations, and thanks for your delightful limerick.

Linda said...

This is a wonderful post, full of happiness and sadness, making the best of things, finding the silver lining but yearning for the past.

I love your dragons!

Su-sieee! Mac said...

Dear Granny Smith,
You are a joy to read, a joy of life to behold. Your post, as your blog, touches me deeply. I feel like I may have crossed paths with you once upon a time. :-)

tone almhjell said...

Hi Granny Smith, it's been a while. This was such a moving post. I'm sorry for your loss. But I'm really glad you have green romms and dragons and family just across the street.

Pia Savage said...

This post was so so beautiful. So honest and real

I found the freedom to live anywhere I wanted had many ties, and I hadn't lost the love of my life