Saturday, February 6, 2010

Message to Poets

The Sunday Scribblings prompt is "message". I am using a self-invented form of rhyme in these couplets, even in the two line title. See if you can figure it out, and let me know if you find it effective.

Sing not of poison oak or sticker.
The sunlit meadow plays no tricks.

Hear note of lark or bee and sing it.
Ignore the broken wing or sting.

Reject vast emptiness of ocean.
Its rosy shells are better shown.

Man’s poisoned air may choke and stifle
Sing only of impassioned flights.

For gloomy word be reprimanded.
Don’t let it slip that man is damned.

This bent brown child convulsed with rickets?
Try gentler views, more wisely risked.

Avert your eyes from floorless chasm.
Erect for skulls a smiling mask.


Yvonne said...

Ooh ooh, very clever!!!

You take the multi syllable word and turn it into a one syllable word using the same sounds!

BRILLIANT, loving this!!!

Lucy said...

great job Granny! you know what a great poet I am, but i am guessing that it's that you use the same vowel sound in the last word of each couplet?
like rickets and risked have short i sound?
hmmm... i am probably missing a bigger picture... (blush blush)

Rinkly Rimes said...

I, too, think the magic is in the vowel sound (maybe more than that, sometimes, as in the 'ing'). But it's very sophisticated. I'll give your new poetic form a try sometime, but not until you give it a name!

oldegg said...

Not being a poet I could only see that the last word on the first line is used to make (freely) the last word of the second line in every stanza.

That matters not one whit as the the deeper darker inner sense of the whole poem is revealed (to me that is) by the line "Don't let it slip that man is damned."

Either way the poem is delightfully entertaining.

Kristin said...

Otto is raving about this clever idea. He thinks it's reminiscent of Anglo-Saxon epic style. Good idea!

anthonynorth said...

I think they've captured it in the comments above. Cleverly done.

A Girl Named Me said...

Well done, Granny.

I'm always impressed with your endless creativity.


Anonymous said...

I'm not much of a poet myself, but I thoroughly enjoyed reading your post.

keith hillman said...

This is very different and oh-so clever! It would be one challenge too far for me. If I'm to be honest I do find it a little clumsy to read but it's fascinating all the same.

Patois said...

Ah, a lovely poem and a great new type of poetry.

fly agaric said...

Love the hidden interior rhyme. It echos the hidden interior meaning of your poem. Bravo!

Understanding Alice said...

on the ball as ever, Granny! By the way I thought you might find this film of interest:

Their web site is here:

Lilibeth said...

I like the take off from Shakespeare's "Fear no more" poem. Was it Cymbeline? It is true, though, that we don't want to hear ugly and depressing facts in a them for the blank verse of nightly news. Remember Longfellow's "The Day is Done."? Maybe that's the reason why: "For like strains of mortal music, their mighty thoughts suggest life's endless toil and endeavor, and tonight I long for rest."

Jennifer Hicks said...

this is amazing! I'm loving the use of phoneme pairing! non-stop inventiveness - how inspiring!

Archna Sharma said...

Very lovely and well thought out. How clever you are. Thank you for sharing your creativity!

Chapter Forty said...

Like Keith I found this clumsy to read, first time.

Then I separated the sounds of the two syllable word in the first line, finding that the last word in the second line rhymed (kind of) with the first syllable of the last word in the first line.

Whatever, I feel for bent brown child convulsing with rickets. To me this poem is about the beauty of nature being destroyed by callous humans.

You got me thinking and using the gray matter Granny - thanks


期待 said...


Americanising Desi said...

lovely lovely Granny!


Life with Kaishon said...

Wow. That is so beautiful. I love it so much.

linda may said...

Nice message Granny.
I am not knowledgeable about poetry construction but I think I do know if something fits and sounds right.You do.

Bob West said...

God has greatly gifted you
I enjoyed visiting your blog
God Bless;

Life with Kaishon said...

Your wisdom is always a blessing to me.

And so many others.

I love when you share : )

Anonymous said...